I affirm the following with full faith in the abundance of the universe that: I am strong and confident. I am surrounded by healthy, loving relationships. I am highly productive and successful. I am appreciated at work. I am overflowing with happiness.
I know I’m in trouble when even chocolate isn’t enough! When did I lose control of my life? I’m just so sick and tired of being sick and tired! Nothing is the way I wanted it to be. These are supposed to be the best years of my life – I should have everything I want. Yet I’m stuck on this life-sucking treadmill from which I can’t escape…HELP!!!
Life often lies somewhere between the above extremes. We are just doing the best we can to try to get our needs met, living our lives without a road map. Much of the time, what we do doesn’t get our needs met and actually gets us the opposite result, but it’s all that we know how to do.
Sometimes, we do what we do and after we’ve done it, we wish we hadn’t.
Have you ever done something that you wish you hadn’t and it didn’t even get you what you wanted? “Man, why did I yell at my husband just because I had a bad day? I wish I could rewind to before I self-medicated with that Reeses!”
Have you ever noticed that we can often fall into the same patterns, getting stuck in the same pot-holes? We want our relationships to be wonderful, but it seems like we press play and our interactions very similar. We may work at jobs in which we want to succeed but find ourselves melting into the woodwork again and again.
We read that if we send out intentions for what we want in our lives, this will bring us what we want. So we send out our intentions and try a few things that don’t work, and then wonder why we don’t get what we want. We might assume that it’s the other “supporting actors in our lives” that are stopping us – my wife/husband/children/ boss. “If only she/he’d know what I want, if only my boss would know how hard I work”. So we hope for change, and sit frustrated in our “pot-holes”. We do the same things yet we expect different results.
I’d like to offer a new perspective that might help us to get out of our pot-holes. There are many ways that we can look at our lives. One of these “lenses” focuses on looking at life as a school in which we go through many experiences to learn and grow and progress along our journeys. In this context, we can look at the “pot-holes” as educable moments. We can ask ourselves “Why did this happen yet again? What is the lesson I am supposed to learn here? Maybe there is a pattern that I can change. Maybe I can think about and do some things differently.”
If I may beg your indulgence for one more moment, let’s look at an additional metaphor to explore some of the ways we can get stuck in our personal potholes. We can look at ourselves as playwrights who have written the script that is our lives. Not only are we the playwrights, but we have written ourselves as the main characters of our play. We dutifully follow the script, hoping for enjoyable plot twists.
Since we don’t realize that we are the writers as well as the actors, we often remain in the same settings and situations with an unchanging cast of characters, storyline and dialogue. In effect, we get stuck in a play of our own creation.
This does not have to be. We are not really passive actors who are obligated to follow a playwright’s storyline or base our actions on the whim of a director. We are the actor AND the playwright AND the director! We can be proactive, looking at our lives as a work-in-progress, constantly editing and rewriting every facet of our “play”. We can get ourselves unstuck from our potholes and move toward the fulfillment of the intentions we hold dear. More specifics on getting unstuck in the next blog!
~ Adina Bloom Lewkowicz, LISW